I know that many of you have noticed that we are getting yarn dyed and back up on the website... it always takes a while after the sale and after a show (Stitches West) but we haven't been talking about other things particularly.
The winter, even though it was not a hard one weather-wise, has been challenging for me after Ron's death in November. Ron had been not well for a while. I always knew it was likely that he would go before me since he was older than me and had more health problems, but I never really thought about after he was gone and how I would navigate this part of my life.
It took me awhile to do most of the paperwork. Something inside of me said, well if you don't change the name on the bank account then he's still with me and it's not final. And so it went with every kind of documentation and legal stuff. It's not all done, but I am walking through it one step at a time.
Going out on the road to Stitches West was difficult. I could lie and say it was great to be back in the saddle, but the truth is, I was not ready for it. I was still very sad. I hated to leave my dogs at home, to be away from the home Ron and I had made together. It may not make logical sense, but the emotions were still very raw.
Today (Saturday) was going along good until I was talking to the butcher at the grocery store about wanting some cuts they didn't have, and tearing up because I need smaller cuts, and smaller amounts. I don't really need roasts anymore. The smallest thing can bring the changes in my life right to the surface.
I am grateful for the change in the seasons, the time, and the length of daylight each day. I also love that I am sitting here writing this with the door open letting fresh air in.
What has changed in the last few weeks is that my color brain seems to have turned back on. I am now envisioning new colors, new color combinations, and ways to make things fun and interesting for our customers. I know that this loss and my grieving process will be close to the surface for a good long while, but I am grateful to have made a leap back toward breathing regularly again. (And things are blooming again!)
I think I am ready to start blogging more regularly again about the studio and what is going on. Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts. I do greatly appreciate your warmth and support.
68 comments
Bless your heart. I’m so sorry for the loss of your other half. You honor him by getting back to things. That’s what he would want you to do. Your precious memories that hurt right now will eventually strengthen you as continue on.
So very sorry for your loss. Sending prayers your way!
My heart grieved for you while reading. The loss you are experiencing is so raw and surprising at times. Just when you appear to be strong, a memory tugs and you can barely breathe for the sadness. Please know there are many of us holding you in prayer. We are grateful for you and hope that helps you in some small way.❤
Miss Babs, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I know there are many people who would love to ease your pain in some way. When we are blessed with good people and relationships in life, it is even more difficult when they are taken from us. I pray for you as you find your way through your grief. And hope that you will be able to look back on your happy memories without so much sadness when you are ready.
I am so sorry for your loss. Wish I could hug you and take away the pain. Just know how much you are loved.