I know that many of you have noticed that we are getting yarn dyed and back up on the website... it always takes a while after the sale and after a show (Stitches West) but we haven't been talking about other things particularly.
The winter, even though it was not a hard one weather-wise, has been challenging for me after Ron's death in November. Ron had been not well for a while. I always knew it was likely that he would go before me since he was older than me and had more health problems, but I never really thought about after he was gone and how I would navigate this part of my life.
It took me awhile to do most of the paperwork. Something inside of me said, well if you don't change the name on the bank account then he's still with me and it's not final. And so it went with every kind of documentation and legal stuff. It's not all done, but I am walking through it one step at a time.
Going out on the road to Stitches West was difficult. I could lie and say it was great to be back in the saddle, but the truth is, I was not ready for it. I was still very sad. I hated to leave my dogs at home, to be away from the home Ron and I had made together. It may not make logical sense, but the emotions were still very raw.
Today (Saturday) was going along good until I was talking to the butcher at the grocery store about wanting some cuts they didn't have, and tearing up because I need smaller cuts, and smaller amounts. I don't really need roasts anymore. The smallest thing can bring the changes in my life right to the surface.
I am grateful for the change in the seasons, the time, and the length of daylight each day. I also love that I am sitting here writing this with the door open letting fresh air in.
What has changed in the last few weeks is that my color brain seems to have turned back on. I am now envisioning new colors, new color combinations, and ways to make things fun and interesting for our customers. I know that this loss and my grieving process will be close to the surface for a good long while, but I am grateful to have made a leap back toward breathing regularly again. (And things are blooming again!)
I think I am ready to start blogging more regularly again about the studio and what is going on. Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts. I do greatly appreciate your warmth and support.
68 comments
Sorry for your loss
Miss Babs, I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes a memory will bring smiles and sometimes the same memory will bring tears. The important thing is the memory.
I lost my younger brother in February, 2016, and am still mourning his loss, and probably will until I pass from this earth. Although we had not lived together for many years (as you had with your husband Ron), my brother and I shared 65 years of memories, as well as similar views on almost everything (life, hobbies, world views, etc.). His death has left a hole in my soul that will never be filled, but I have managed to get through each day simply by putting one foot in front of the other, eventually walking into the world of the living. When I discovered your website several weeks ago (I wish this had happened sooner), I was ecstatic about your colors and yarn bases. I have already placed 2 orders, and am getting ready for a 3rd (although I may wait to see your newest colors). I have been knitting for 60 + years, and have worked with some spectacular yarns, but your yarn has brought an excitement to my knitting life that I never expected to experience. Please know that all who have lost a loved one know what you are going through. Be well and stay strong.
I’m so sorry for the loss of the other half of your soul. Please be gentle, patient and kind to yourself. You’re such a beautiful kind person. My prayers are with you.
So lovely. I lost a loved one unexpectedly last summer, and while it has gotten much easier, like you I never know what will bring everything back to the surface and send me spinning. As a wise woman told me, grief is not a straight road. good to see you back in this space and I’m glad your creative juices are flowing again. Hugs