I know that many of you have noticed that we are getting yarn dyed and back up on the website... it always takes a while after the sale and after a show (Stitches West) but we haven't been talking about other things particularly.
The winter, even though it was not a hard one weather-wise, has been challenging for me after Ron's death in November. Ron had been not well for a while. I always knew it was likely that he would go before me since he was older than me and had more health problems, but I never really thought about after he was gone and how I would navigate this part of my life.
It took me awhile to do most of the paperwork. Something inside of me said, well if you don't change the name on the bank account then he's still with me and it's not final. And so it went with every kind of documentation and legal stuff. It's not all done, but I am walking through it one step at a time.
Going out on the road to Stitches West was difficult. I could lie and say it was great to be back in the saddle, but the truth is, I was not ready for it. I was still very sad. I hated to leave my dogs at home, to be away from the home Ron and I had made together. It may not make logical sense, but the emotions were still very raw.
Today (Saturday) was going along good until I was talking to the butcher at the grocery store about wanting some cuts they didn't have, and tearing up because I need smaller cuts, and smaller amounts. I don't really need roasts anymore. The smallest thing can bring the changes in my life right to the surface.
I am grateful for the change in the seasons, the time, and the length of daylight each day. I also love that I am sitting here writing this with the door open letting fresh air in.
What has changed in the last few weeks is that my color brain seems to have turned back on. I am now envisioning new colors, new color combinations, and ways to make things fun and interesting for our customers. I know that this loss and my grieving process will be close to the surface for a good long while, but I am grateful to have made a leap back toward breathing regularly again. (And things are blooming again!)
I think I am ready to start blogging more regularly again about the studio and what is going on. Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts. I do greatly appreciate your warmth and support.
68 comments
Babs, I went back to find this note. I couldn’t make my way through it when originally posted as I too lost my husband in November. The grief settles on me like a cloak, and I’m a shawl girl. Knitting is still difficult for me as I have trouble focusing. However, the colors of your yarn bring me joy. Making my way alone is a little difficult and I’m grateful for my family and friends. Wishing you the best on this new journey. Many good thoughts are with you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am new to your yarns, but you have me for life with your gorgeous fibers and colors.
I lost my husband 17 years ago; complications of agent orange. He was also quite a bit older too.
I lost my father at 91 this past November the day before what would have been my 37th wedding anniversary.
I know words are not enough, but time helps to comfort. I still turn to talk to Bill or my dad about a home or car repair problem and they are not there. However my knitting takes me to a peaceful place and finding your yarns makes it a better place than it was before. Thank you for being you and doing what you do to brighten the lives of others.
Your shared comments are very touching as are the responses. It frightens me to have to face such loss, or to be the one leaving. I’ve worked with many grieving parents and a verse from Isaiah 40:11 is comforting —He gathers the lambs in His arms and holds them close to His heart. Sometimes our lambs aren’t the newborns. Blessings and comfort to you.
Thank you for sharing your words. I am grateful for your sharing and making life real along with sharing your incredible talent with colors. I am always drawn to your color combinations and appreciate what you do. Blessings to you this Easter season.
I am so sorry for your loss, I went through this same thing many years ago so I know your emptiness firsthand. The passing of a loved one leaves a heartache and loneliness that only God can fill. In the meantime, doing what you love is certainly a good way to help fill the void that only Ron could fill for you. I wish you many blessings.